Then and Now: Growing Up, Family Stories and Old Things

Start with something your child knows. Put their first shoes beside today's shoes. Ask, “What do you notice?” Give them time to point, touch, or answer.

Give time a name

The past is time that has already happened. The present is now. The future has not happened yet. “Then” and “now” make these ideas easy to use: “Then these shoes fit you. Now your feet are bigger.” A moment ago belongs to the past too.

“Long ago” feels different to different people. Your child may mean last summer; Grandpa may mean his childhood. Add a familiar anchor: “Before you were born,” or “When Grandpa was little.” “Very, very long ago, before anyone we know was alive” reaches farther back. Your child will build a sense of these gaps through many short chats.

Look for change and sameness

Change means something is different from before. Ask two questions: “What changed?” and “What stayed the same?” The shoes show growth. Your child is still the same person. Their name or favorite bedtime song may also have stayed the same.

Photos, objects, buildings, and people's memories are clues from the past. A tiny shoe tells you about size. A family memory can tell you who wore it. Help your child connect each idea to its clue: “I know your feet grew because this shoe is too small now.”

Try this routine with one object:

1. Look together and name it.
2. Ask who used it and when.
3. Find a change since then.
4. Find something that stayed the same.
5. Help your child put the comparison into one sentence.

Talk about what comes next

Ask, “What do you think you will do when you're bigger?” Listen to their guess. We can remember past events and learn about them from clues. Future events have not happened, so we make guesses about them.

If your child places your childhood beside the dinosaurs, use people they know to separate the times. “I was little before you were born. Dinosaurs lived long before any people.” Keep “old” as a word about time. An old toy can still work and be loved; a new toy can already be broken.

A chat about something you did together helps your child tell about the past. Choose one small event, such as making lunch or visiting a friend. A few minutes at the table or on the ride home is enough.

Offer the words naturally

Many English action words add -ed for the past: “We play” becomes “We played.” Other words change: go–went, eat–ate, see–saw, run–ran, come–came, make–made, have–had, and is–was. Let your child hear these forms in real conversation.

Your child may say, “I goed,” or “We eated.” They have noticed the -ed pattern and are trying it out. Repeat their idea with the usual word, then carry on. For “I falled off the swing,” you might say, “You fell! Where did you land?” They hear the word without losing their story.

When “yesterday” means any earlier time, offer a clearer phrase. Child: “Yesterday I was a baby.” You: “When you were a baby, you slept in that crib.” There is no need to ask them to repeat your sentence.

Build a memory together

Talking about shared memories is called reminiscing. Warm questions, small details, and talk about feelings help your child tell a fuller story.

Try a chat about baking:

• You: “What did we make after lunch?”
• Child: “Bread.”
• You: “Yes, bread rolls. What did you do with the dough?”
• Child: “Squished it!”
• You: “You pushed it with your hands. What happened next?”
• Child: “We put it in the oven.”
• You: “How did you feel when we took it out?”

If your child gets stuck, give one helpful detail: “Remember the sticky dough?” Let them pick up the story. Asking “What did you mix?” is easier to answer than “Tell me everything.”

Help the story keep its order

Use first, next, then, after that, and at the end. Model before and after in short sentences: “We washed our hands before we mixed. We ate after the rolls cooled.” Ask one question at a time.

Your child may remember a detail differently. Share your memory alongside theirs: “I remember using the big bowl.” Avoid turning the conversation into an argument. You can return to a photo or ask someone else when a detail matters.

Find a few clues to your child's earlier life: photos, a baby outfit, first shoes, a toy, or an older drawing. Let your child choose one to explore. Start with what they can see before adding a family story.

Compare two moments

Look at a baby photo beside a recent one. Ask, “Who is this?” If your child thinks the baby is someone else, show the familiar blanket or the person holding them. A row of photos from different ages can make the change easier to follow.

In Maya's one-year-old photo, she sits in a high chair with a bib and a soft spoon. She has a few teeth and wispy hair. At five, she sits at the table with a fork and long braids. Ask, “What changed?” Point out her hair, teeth, and chair. Ask, “What stayed the same?” Both pictures show Maya.

A photo shows some things and leaves others out. Add a real memory: “You loved bananas then, and you still do.” Her favorite food comes from what the family remembers, not from her hairstyle or chair.

Notice several kinds of growing

Use everyday questions about your child's own life:

Hold a baby sleeper beside today's clothes. Let your child explain what no longer fits. Height marks with dates also make growth visible. Include what lasted, such as a stuffed animal or a bedtime song.

Make room for your child's story

Tell a short memory with real details: “You took your first steps at Grandpa's house, holding the couch.” Children grow and learn at different times. Compare your child with their own earlier self.

Ask, “Do you remember that, or do you know it from our stories and photos?” Some early memories fade as children grow. Let your child tell you what they remember.

If baby photos are missing, use the earliest memory or picture you have. A drawing of a former bedroom works too. Make a two-part page with your child's words underneath: “Then I needed help with my coat. Now I put it on.”

A timeline puts events in the order they happened. For your child, pictures make that order visible. Use a paper strip, a wall, or photos clipped to a string, with the earliest picture on the left and “Now” on the right.

Build the line one picture at a time

Start with three pictures. Add more when your child is ready. Mix them up, then ask, “What happened first? How can you tell?” Put that picture on the left. Choose the next one together and keep going. Read the line back using “first,” “next,” and “now.”

For four pictures, try a newborn in a blanket, first steps, a fourth birthday, and the first school day at five. The newborn comes first, then the toddler, then the birthday, then school. Four candles and a known age help place the later events. Ask your child to explain one clue for each choice.

Write a short label under each picture. You do the writing; your child can say the words or draw. A favorite picture belongs where its event happened, even if your child wants to put it first.

Separate age from size

A person's age tells how many years have passed since birth. Someone older was born earlier. Someone younger was born later.

A six-year-old is older than a five-year-old, even when the five-year-old is taller. Height helps you notice one child's growth across their own photos. Use known ages or birthdays when comparing different people. Practice “oldest” and “youngest” with people your child knows.

Show order without measuring every gap

The spaces between pictures can be uneven. Your child is learning what came before and after. Later, notice that some gaps lasted longer: about one year from birth to first steps, but about four more years to starting school at five.

A calendar gives another way to look back. Add a photo or drawing after a family visit or trip. Point out which happened first and what came next. Point to past days and future days while you say the words; your child can follow without reading dates.

You can extend the paper line to the left with a parent as a child, then a grandparent as a child before that. Keep the family's childhood pictures separate from photos of those people today. The line shows when the pictured event happened, not just who is oldest.

Choose childhood photos of a parent and an older relative. If possible, find pictures from about your child's age. “This is Grandpa at five, just like you” is easier to picture than a large number of years.

Show who came before whom

A generation is one step in a family: children, parents, grandparents, then great-grandparents. Grown-ups were children once too. Use the family words your child knows, including step-, foster, and adoptive relatives.

Lay out Grandma as a child, Mom as a child, and your child now. Explain the link: “Grandma is Mom's mother. Grandma was born before Mom. Mom was born before you.” Help your child say who is older and younger.

For an oldest-to-youngest line of these three people, put Grandma first, Mom next, and your child last. For a timeline of their childhoods, use the photos from those childhoods. A photo of Grandma taken today belongs to today, even though Grandma is the oldest person.

Make a grown-up's childhood feel real

Look for a familiar activity in a photo: playing with a ball, eating lunch, or standing with a friend. Ask, “What did Grandpa like doing here?” His childhood happened before your child's parents were born. That family link is a useful anchor for “long ago.”

Grandparents lived in a world with cars, electric lights, telephones, and television. Each family had its own home and belongings. If your child mixes this time with dinosaurs, explain that dinosaurs lived long before people. There is no need to memorize dates to keep those times apart.

Explain black-and-white pictures

A black-and-white photo shows no colors, but the world had color. The camera or film recorded the picture that way. Ask, “What color might that coat have been?” Then ask the person who wore it, or look for another clue. Guessing a color and knowing a color are different.

Some color photos also fade, so a yellowish picture does not tell you that everything looked yellow. Compare the picture with a familiar object that still exists.

An older family friend, great-aunt, uncle, or community elder can share childhood stories too. Choose someone your child knows and trusts. A phone call or a photo sent from far away can begin the same conversation.

Invite an older relative or family friend to share one part of their childhood. Choose a subject your child cares about, such as games, food, or school. Tell the storyteller beforehand what your child hopes to ask, and let them choose what to share.

Prepare a few real questions

Help your child choose two to four questions on one topic. Questions beginning with “what,” “how,” or “where” invite a story. “What did you play outside?” gives more room than “Did you play outside?” Draw a small reminder beside each question if that helps.

You might prepare these questions about school:

1. “How did you get to school?”
2. “What did you like doing there?”
3. “Who did you play with?”

Let your child ask, with help when needed. A childhood photo or object gives both people something to talk about. Wait while the speaker finishes, and help your child ask a follow-up: “What happened next?” Say thank you afterward.

Listen to a person who was there

Someone telling about their own experience gives a first-hand account. Collecting spoken memories is called oral history. Your child can try this through an ordinary family chat.

Suppose Aunt June says, “I walked to school with my brother. We crossed the footbridge.” Your child asks, “What did you see from the bridge?” That question follows her answer and invites a new detail. You can add, “Do you have a picture of that walk?”

People sometimes remember a shared event differently. Say, “That's how June remembers it. Let's hear what her brother remembers.” Their accounts tell you about their memories. Photos, letters, or another account may help check a detail.

Keep one story afterward

Ask your child, “What did you find out?” Let them retell one detail in their own words: “June walked over a bridge to school.” Write it under their drawing. Keep the person's name attached to the story so it stays clear whose childhood you heard about.

Distance is manageable with a phone call, video call, voice message, or letter. If a relative has died, another family member can share memories and pictures of them. Explain who remembers the event: “Uncle Ben told us about the game he played with her.”

Choose one part of an older person's childhood to compare with your child's life. Games, meals, school, and home all offer useful starting points. Keep the comparison tied to the person's own story.

Give each idea a place

Make two columns headed “When Grandpa was little” and “Now.” Your child can dictate while you draw or write. To show things both share, use two overlapping circles. Put shared ideas in the overlap. This is a Venn diagram.

Grandpa remembers wooden blocks, toy cars, marbles, and a kite. Your child names toy cars, building bricks, a tablet game, and a scooter. Toy cars go in the overlap. Building things and playing outside also belong to both childhoods. Grandpa's marbles go on his side of this comparison; the tablet game goes on your child's side.

Ask, “What changed?” and “What stayed the same?” Match like with like: one person's games with the other's games, or one person's school with the other's school.

Compare everyday ways of living

Many older relatives remember a shared home telephone, records or radio for music, and waiting for film photos. A phone today can handle several of these jobs. Some families still play records or use film cameras.

Use questions to learn your relative's own details:

Compare the answer with your home today. A chalkboard and a classroom screen look different, while children in both classrooms can share stories and learn with friends.

Keep the person's name in the comparison

Say, “Grandpa played marbles,” not “Every child played marbles.” Other children grew up in different homes and places. Someone else may remember different games or belongings.

Children long ago had friends, favorite stories, feelings, and plenty of play. If your child says, “They had nothing to do,” ask the relative what was most fun. You can talk about good and hard parts of each childhood without choosing one whole time as best.

An old object was made or used a long time ago. A new object was made recently. Start with a family object whose story you can check with its owner.

Handle, notice, and ask

Check objects for sharp edges, loose parts, glass, and old batteries before your child handles them. Sit at a table with clean, dry hands, and support precious things with two hands.

Ask, “What is it made of?” “How does it work?” and “Who used it?” Let your child look closely before you tell its story. Several clues together help:

• Wear: faded color, flattened fur, scratches, worn edges, or repairs.
• How it works: a wind-up key, a dial, buttons, a touchscreen, or a phone connection.
• Style: shapes and colors like those in an old photo.
• Writing: a date, model name, label, or packaging.

Material alone leaves questions. Plastic toys existed when many grandparents were young, and wooden toys are made today. Ask the owner or read the label with your child.

Work through two bears

Dad's childhood bear has thin fur, a repaired nose, a faded ribbon, and lumpy stuffing. A store-bought bear has thick fur and a crisp label. Ask your child which clues suggest Dad's bear has been used for longer. Name the wear and repairs, then ask Dad when he got it.

A new toy can get dirty or break quickly. An old tea set can stay clean and bright. Being worn may help you ask about age; being clean does not make an object new. Point to a well-kept family object and listen to its history.

Check an old-fashioned look

Some new objects are designed to look old. A radio with an old-style case might play music from a phone. Look for its model name, packaging, and modern features, then ask when it was bought or made. “It looks old” is a starting idea to check.

Build a small family museum with a few objects. Let your child dictate labels: what each object is, who used it, and roughly when. “Mom's lunchbox, from when she was six” is a useful label. Include one newer object so your child can compare features. Leave an unanswered question beside an object when you still need to ask its owner.

Put two objects or pictures side by side and ask, “What job does each one do?” That shared job gives your child something clear to compare. Calling someone, taking pictures, lighting a room, and washing clothes all work well.

Follow one job through two ways

Compare a family dial phone with a touchscreen phone. First name the shared job: talking with someone far away. Next, look at how each works.

Your child might say, “The way we call changed. We still hear another person's voice.” Let them try turning a disconnected dial or trace the movement on a cardboard phone.

With a film camera, pictures on the roll had to be developed before the family could see them. Rolls often held 24 or 36 photos. A digital camera or phone shows a picture at once. Both keep a picture of a moment. Records, radio, and cassette tapes offer another comparison with music from a phone or speaker.

Sort times with a story attached

Use three spaces: “Very, very long ago,” “When Grandma was little,” and “Now.” Pick pictures whose time you know. You might choose a dated view from long before Grandma was born showing a home lit by oil lamps, Grandma using her family's dial phone, and your child using a tablet today.

Describe each picture's setting before placing it. An oil lamp or horse cart can still be used today. Look at how the whole home or scene works, and use the story or date that goes with it. A candle on today's cake belongs to today.

Try a different way

Ask an older relative to show how they played a board game, or compare a hand whisk with an electric mixer while you cook. Name what your hands do and what the machine does. Old ways can have useful features too: a wind-up toy works without batteries, and a paper book needs no charge.

Let your child choose which way they would use for a particular job and explain why.

A familiar place has a past too. Start with your home or a street your child knows. Ask, “What looked different here when you were younger?” A changed room can make the question easy to answer.

Compare the same place

Find an old street photo through your family, a library, or a local photo collection. Stand where you can see the same view today. Match a road bend, a building, or a doorway first. Those shared features help you compare the right places.

Then look for changes in shop signs, cars, buildings, and the use of open space. Ask for one thing that changed and one that stayed the same. A building can remain while the shop inside changes.

At home, compare an earlier room photo with the room today. “The crib was by this window. Now your bed is there.” Your child can draw the room as it was and as it is. Keep the focus on the changes they notice.

Check clues on a walk

Read a carved year or a plaque aloud. A sign may explain when a building opened or what stood there before. Worn steps and old-style windows can suggest questions to ask. An owner, neighbor, library, or local history page may help answer them.

A building marked “1912” is more than 100 years old. Its date is a clearer clue than its fresh paint. Old buildings are repainted and repaired. A glass building is not necessarily new either. You might know a nearby apartment building is new because you watched it being built.

Old buildings can still be used every day as homes, stores, schools, or libraries. Look for one your child knows and talk about the people using it now.

Make a record for later

Take a photo of a place about to change, then return to the same spot later. Keep the dates with the pictures. Your child can use these photos as their own clues from the past.

At a building site, separate what you know from what is planned: “Before, this was a parking lot. Now builders are working here. The sign says a library will open here.” Point to the old view, the work today, and the planned use. Your child practices past, present, and future through one familiar place.

Choose a picture book set in the past or listen to a family tale. Before reading, look at the cover together. Ask, “When might this happen? What do you notice?” Return to the question after seeing more pictures.

Find clues in words and pictures

Time phrases help: “long ago,” “when I was a girl,” “a hundred years ago,” or “in the days before cars.” Past-tense words alone leave the time open. “Sam went to the park” could describe yesterday in a modern story.

Look at clothes, travel, homes, work, and toys. A horse pulling a cart or a room lit by oil lamps may help place a scene. Look across the picture and listen to its words. A single old-fashioned object can still appear in a home today.

Pause at one or two useful pictures. Ask, “How did this person get around?” or “How did this family light the room?” After reading, ask what would change if the story happened in your neighborhood today.

Try two books

In Ox-Cart Man by Donald Hall, illustrated by Barbara Cooney, a New England family makes goods and the farmer takes them to market in an ox cart. The story is set in the early 1800s. Look at the cart, clothing, and goods made by hand. Ask your child how your family gets the things it needs.

When I Was Young in the Mountains by Cynthia Rylant, illustrated by Diane Goode, draws on the author's childhood with her grandparents in Appalachia. Use the remembered home life to begin a chat about an older relative's own childhood. Ask, “What did you do with your grandparents?”

Separate a memory from make-believe

A true story tells about real people and events. A made-up story comes from imagination. Both can be set long ago. A fairy tale may contain an old-fashioned home as well as magic. The magic did not really happen.

Ask, “Which part could people really have done? Which part is pretend?” In a made-up tale, someone might carry water while a talking animal helps them. Carrying water is something people could do; the talking animal is make-believe. A tale's old setting does not turn every event into a fact.

After a family tale or a book, invite your child to tell it again. Retelling means using your own words while keeping the events in order. Turn back through the pictures when they need help remembering.

Give the story three places

The beginning introduces who is there and where the story starts. The middle tells what happens. The end tells how it finishes. Ask, “How did it start?” “What happened next?” and “How did it end?”

Grandpa's first-bike story has a clear shape. At the beginning, he gets a red bike at six. In the middle, he falls and his big sister helps him. At the end of the summer, he rides alone. Let your child retell those events, then draw a picture for each part. Place the pictures from left to right.

Compare a character's life with today

Choose one job or activity. Ask, “How did the person get water?” and “How do we get water?” Name one difference and something shared, such as needing water to cook. This keeps your child looking at daily life as well as the plot.

Act out an earlier way

Set up a small pretend scene using what you learned from a story. A mixing bowl, wooden spoon, and cardboard dial phone can become a relative's childhood kitchen. Ask how the person would call a friend or prepare a meal. Let the story or relative's memory guide the details.

If your child brings a touchscreen phone into the scene, ask whether that person had one at the time. “How did she contact her friend then?” gives your child a reason to try the remembered way. Pretend play can change as they learn more.

Ask an older person to teach a game they played. A clapping game, hide-and-seek, or a jump rope rhyme lets your child share an activity across generations. Talk about what stayed the same as you play.

Families have different homes, foods, games, and stories. Listen with interest when another family shares theirs. Try “That was different from our home,” or “We play that too.” Your child can notice differences without treating one family's story as the way everyone lived.